a metamorphoses story

Try Saying

If you actually do manage to spread a culture of freedom of expression at your workplace, your employer might generally feel the need to restrict said activities as per following…


TO: All Employees
FROM: Human Resources
RE: Standard Office Language

It has been brought to management’s attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers. Therefore, a list of ”TRY SAYING” new phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner — without risk of offending our more sensitive employees.

SO

 

TRY SAYING
Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF
When the fuck do you expect me to do this?

TRY SAYING
I’m certain that is not feasible.
INSTEAD OF
No fucking way!!

TRY SAYING
Really?
INSTEAD OF
You’ve got to be shitting me.

TRY SAYING
Perhaps you should check with…
INSTEAD OF
Tell someone who gives a shit.

TRY SAYING
Of course I’m concerned.
INSTEAD OF
Ask me if I give a shit.

TRY SAYING
I wasn’t involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF
It’s not my fucking problem.

TRY SAYING
That’s interesting.
INSTEAD OF
What the fuck?!?!

TRY SAYING
I’m not sure I can implement this.
INSTEAD OF
Fuck it, it won’t work.

TRY SAYING
I’ll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF
Why the hell didn’t you tell me sooner?

TRY SAYING
Are you sure this is a problem?
INSTEAD OF
Who the fuck cares?

TRY SAYING
He’s not familiar with the problem.
INSTEAD OF
He’s got his head up his ass.

TRY SAYING
Excuse me sir?
INSTEAD OF
Eat shit and die m*****fucker.

TRY SAYING
So you weren’t happy with it?
INSTEAD OF
Kiss my ass.

TRY SAYING
I’m a bit overloaded at this moment.
INSTEAD OF
Fuck it, I’m on a humiliating salary.

TRY SAYING
I don’t think you understand.
INSTEAD OF
Shove it up your ass.

TRY SAYING
I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF
This job sucks.

TRY SAYING
You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF
Who the hell died and made you boss?

TRY SAYING
I see.
INSTEAD OF
Piss off.

TRY SAYING
Yes, we really should discuss it.
INSTEAD OF
Another fucking meeting!!!

TRY SAYING
I don’t think this will be a problem.
INSTEAD OF
I really don’t give a shit.

TRY SAYING
He’s somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF
He’s a fucking prick.

TRY SAYING
She’s an aggressive go getter.
INSTEAD OF
She’s a ball busting bitch.

TRY SAYING
I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF
You don’t know what the fuck you’re doing

 

Thank you for your cooperation.

Annonser

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