a metamorphoses story

Titles Galore

Do you have them? If you’ve been reading my ramblings for a while, you’ll know that I certainly have at the very least all three of the following, completely useless of course, titles [and therefore also people] in my organisation:

  1. Chief Inspiration Officer — This person may think him/herself an extraordinary communicator who rallies employees, customers, and colleagues around the vivid future he sees. Or he may be the founder’s brother, sister, offspring, idea person, or inventor, who can’t be bothered actually working on the nuts and bolts of the real business. The CIO has a dream… and that’s about as far as it goes before it’s time to party like it’s 1999. Again.
  2. Chief Evangelist — Evangelism marketing is an advanced form of word of mouth marketing (WOMM). Now a days the CE is mostly preoccupied with aggressive attempts to convince staff that they’re working for the worlds greatest Whatsit-company. So spread the word. Join the cult. Or at least pretend to worship, or you’ll be promptly sacked.
  3. Chief Sales Officer (VP Sales) — Useless. What you really need is a VP of Marketing and Customer Development, who can help with lead generation and honing the message, rather than an executive to manage a sales team and existing customers.

What other strange titles have you seen? Where are the executives who don’t need a title to get things done? They should get their satisfaction from building their business, rather than building their title [out of hot air].

While we’re at it, why not instate a Chief Retarded Executive of Talentless Information Nincompoopery (CRETIN). We’ve got one of those. Their lates idea; install enormous screens in the main reception area, projecting ‘purdy numbers’ which the CRETIN simply thought looked ‘cool’ and ‘international’. Hurrah?




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